I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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