Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
