Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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