im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
