I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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