yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
