dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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