so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
