AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
