he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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