So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
