it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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