i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
