also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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