they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How naked do you want me to be?
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