My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she peed on how many people?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
