help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
