we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
