I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize