god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
