everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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