I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
