Do you still have your period?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
