he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
