he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
