It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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