I'm going to jail i love you
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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