If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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