I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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