Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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