I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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