Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
