I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
