Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
