The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
