dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
