Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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