i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
not ubering you a puppy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
