Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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