are you still at the devil's house?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
