You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
