I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
