Non-Jews are for practice
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
