My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
