i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
