my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
