she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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