i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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