so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
