This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
