they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
