And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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