During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
