Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize