I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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