she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
