I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize