this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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