i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
