Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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