I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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