if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
