I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
