There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
