I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
