I'm going to jail i love you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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