hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
