its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
