We won't sleep together?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
