I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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